Whenever something goes wrong, my first instinct is to admit defeat and say, “this sucks” or “I can’t do it!: This has been a rough week to say the least and it seems like every day I am finding too many reasons to admit defeat. By admit defeat, I mean things that make me just want to give up trying to have order in my life. S losing his job, our car battery is dead, my computer troubles, losing some of my work, the return of my migraines is a bit overwhelming. I keep looking for a foothold, but not finding any.
Moving in with your partner is always a challenge and them losing their job the week they move in just ups the challenge. This is a situation where throwing your hands in the air and admitting defeat has too much to lose so frankly is not an option. So what do I do instead.
As an ENFP (Myers-Briggs) I’m a scattered, energetic dreamer. The idea of routine and structure turn my stomach a little. But having lived with extreme structure in my last two years of high school and seeing how my grades went up from a 76 average to graduating 7th in my class (though that’s out of 19) i see the value in structure. So I have opted to give S and I (I as in me) more structure. I sat down and made a daily schedule and made a chore chart. I am hoping that this will avoid times where he overworks himself and me sitting and doing nothing because I can’t figure out what to do and reduce our stress and poor eating and sleeping habits. If I can improve my eating habits and sleeping habits, I can increase my energy level, reduce the frequency of my migraines and feel better overall.
I wasn’t able to do all the things I had planned for today but I did get over to finally see M. It’s so good to spend time with my ‘bestie.’ She’ll be going back to our job in October – off of maternity leave. I wish that I were going back to some semblance of work. A friend contacted me yesterday looking for a Master’s level ESL Teacher. Sadly I couldn’t take it as I’m simply not well enough. In fact, next week I’m going to start the long journey of applying for disability. I have long put off this process for several reasons 1.) too much paperwork 2.) didn’t know if I was eligible 3.) not wanting to admit to myself that it was necessary. Maybe at one time in the future it won’t be necessary, but currently it sadly is.