Crap!

Sometimes trying to find the humor or sunshine in the clouds is really difficult.  It truly doesn’t always come easily.  Right now is one of those times.

I can’t go into details right now,  but last night Seiya called me while he was at work and dropped a bomb on me.  My world exploded and here we are now trying to pick up the pieces to form a new reality.

I wish I could help us out more than I am,  but there are limitations on my body.  I feel frustrated at what happened and frustrated that I cannot fix it.  I feel useless and helpless.  He should be able to depend on me. 

Having a chronic illness makes life even harder some times than it already is.  Where someone who is healthy needs to buck up and trudge through – do whatever they need to to make things happen – someone with chronic illness can’t always do that. It’s physically not possible.

It doesn’t help that last night I woke up with cramps that kept me up for a few hours.  I had to miss part of class this morning because of it, but I am now overtired and have a headache. 

Also yesterday I couldn’t make it to PT because I was overtired.  I worked until 1am Wednesday/Thursday and got up to teach again at 6:25. And I started having side effects of Botox – numbness is my forehead and weakness in my arms and neck – the exact places the PT is treating.

But I still feel the need to find joy in this.
1.) This may deepen the trust in our relationship.
2.) There may be greater things ahead than what was before.
3.) Things can only go up from here. 

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