Dust Yourself Off and Try Again

I stood in the middle of the soccer field.  Smaller than everyone else not only because I was five years old and my birthday made me the youngest in the league, but because I was already tiny for my age. , But  I was  just as feisty as all the bigger kids.  My dirty blonde hair tussled and knees covered in dirt.  I stood in defense with my eyes focused on the ball that was getting closer and closer to me.

It reached me and I started to try and kick the ball, but the bigger girls overpowered me.  They knocked me down and in the process ran across me leaving cleat marks on my head.  I wanted to cry.  I even started to whimper and my father yelled from the sidelines, “No, oww!”  his way of trying to get my sisters and I to brush it off.

I sat on the ground a little dazed.  I wiped a few small tears from my eyes and stood back up to my feet.

In so many ways, that moment in my life symbolizes how I see a lot of the rest of my life. I get pummeled by circumstances and I pull myself back up.

I have had to do this in the last year.  I was working two jobs as an ESL Teacher. I was teaching Children’s Lit at a Japanese college and beginner Level 2 English at another school.  I loved my students and they loved me.  I loved teaching.  And then one night while sitting in my office my left side started feeling really weak and I felt dizzy.  I shook it off and called the doctor the next day.  My symptoms progressed from there and eventually after leaving work to go to the hospital or an emergency doctor’s visit three times I resigned from my positions because I was unable to give my students the best.

I was devastated.

However, no matter how sick I felt there are bills and bills need to be paid.  Also when S and I started dating we decided that both of us should always work to the best of our ability.

So I looked into the possibility of teaching online.  It took a long time, but now I worked 25 hours a week teaching English online.  I also started selling educational materials online through Teachers Pay Teachers.  And I occasionally privately tutor a student online.
Sometimes having a chronic illness (especially one that goes into remission and flares up every so often like mine) forces us to have to dust ourselves off and try again   And sometimes we have to re-invent ourselves.


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